Taming the Tantrum, part 2

Some children are more prone to throwing tantrums, and the behavior may begin around 15 to 18 months. This needs to be addressed and corrected immediately upon onset so that it is completely done away with. They may test you for a few months, but if you will address their behavior every time, they will quickly learn that it will never work with you. Remember you are working to build your relationship with them and to train them to make wise choices.

For example, when your 18 month old has a meltdown at the store where he has an audience of many, just pick the child up and hold him tightly. Hold his head firmly to your shoulder so he cannot squirm. Quietly and repeatedly say in his ear, "Put your head down. Put your head down" until he submits. When he is lying there quietly with his head on your shoulder and you are no longer having to hold it there, you might say, "Give Mommy a kiss."

After he has done this, just walk around with him a little bit and continue to hold him. Repeat your directive, "head down" when he starts to lift his head. When you know he is no longer asserting his will against you and he has submitted, then you can go back to your shopping.

In the future, when you see the slightest onset of a tantrum, you'll immediately pick him up and say "head down" and follow through the same procedure. For older children, you may need to hold them on your lap or leave the store. If you put the time and effort in training them at an early age, you will rarely, if at all, have to address tantrums in the older child.

However, if this has been an ongoing problem for you and now your child is older (age 4 or 5 years), this now needs to be addressed as defiance. This child knows to throw a tantrum at the most inconvenient time and place. It is difficult to discipline a child that is completely overwrought and you should not be wrestling with them in order to discipline them. They are to submit to the discipline when appropriate and not fight you. After you go through the full-circle of discipline (lesson 10) with your child a couple of times in regard to this behavior, they will soon learn that it does not accomplish anything they had hoped it would.

Teach your child to properly and politely make their requests known to you even when they are young. Set them up for success by practicing this at home and talking through the proper behavior before you are in a situation where they might throw a tantrum. Remind them of the appropriate way to respond and praise them when they succeed.

The key is to address this behavior every time. As you do, you will soon see the tantrums disappear and you will have a more peaceful and harmonious home.

(See also Taming the Tantrum, part 1.)